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Winner of America's Funniest Homepage - May 1997
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Why is it only a penny for your thoughts when you give your two cents worth?
Why are wrong numbers never busy?
Thermos flasks keep hot things hot and cold things cold...but how do they know?
Why do light switches have on and off on them? If the light is on then you know its on, and if the light is off then you can't read it anyway.
Why do you turn down the radio when looking for an address?
If you can plant a tree, why can't you tree a plant?
If the word "bra" is singular, why is it supporting 2 objects? Do they make decaffinated coffee tables?
Why are there seeing eye dog signs? Why is it when you move something in a ship its called cargo but when you move something in a car its called a shipment?
A door that's open is called ajar; what is it called when a jar is open?
Would you buy a solar-powered flashlight?
They call it a hot-water-heater but why would you need to heat hot water? They call it a building but after it's completed shouldn't they call it a built?
If a persons kills their clone, is it murder or suicide? What does the Q in Q-tip stand for? Why are there Interstate highways in Hawii? You can't get off by driving. Why do they call warm water, luke warm...did someone named Luke discover it ??
If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter? If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box? Why do they put braille on the number pads of drive-through bank machines? If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they stick Teflon on the pan? How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign? What do they use to ship styrofoam? Why is abbreviation such a long word? Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container? Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets? How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes? Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? Does fuzzy logic tickle? Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs? Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics? Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives? If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer? What was the best thing before sliced bread?When sign makers go on strike, is anything painted on their signs? Where do forest rangers go to get away? If this is the land of the free, why is somone always trying to sell me something? If pro is the opposite of con, is congress the opposite of progress? If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from? How did a fool and his money get together? Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections? If you choke Smurf, what color does he turn? If its tourist season, why can't I shoot them?
Why do they call it a TV set, when ther is only one of them?
Submitted by ZZ
Is anal retentive hyphenated?
Submitted by David C. You know how most packages say open here. What's the protocol
if it says open somewhere else?
Submitted by Amanda H. "Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?"Submitted by Mr. & Mrs P. If you have a bird, when you are reading the newspaper does it wonder why you are staring at carpet? Submitted by Brad R. How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink? Submitted by Melancholy If a vampire can't see himself in a mirror, why is his hair always so neat? Submitted by Tony B. Why does everybody have a hot water heater in their house, when you don't need to heat hot water? Why do women have a pair of underwear, but just one bra? If the police arrest a mime, do they say he has the right to remain silent? What keeps glue from sticking to the inside of the bottle? If a duck goes in the water right after he eats, does he get cramps? Why do they insist that all buildings have directories in braille? How do blind people find the signs?! Submitted by Jessica Why is the Hooked on Phonics number 1-800-abcdefg? How are you supposed to call that if you can't read? Submitted by Jane Diaz Where does the white go when the snow melts? Submitted by ERT If you hire Dr. Kevorkian to assist with your suicide and you live, can you sue him for malpractice? Submitted by Deb C. Peace-keeping MISSILE? And they call it Military INTELLIGENCE? Submitted by Johnny-O Why did kamakazi pilots wear helmets? Submitted by The Bean What is a another word for thesaurus? Submitted by Dingo If most accidents occur within five miles of the home, why not move ten miles away? Submitted by maccus daddie undisputea Why do they call it quicksand when it sucks you down slowly? Submitted by The Crow Isn't "Big Kid" an oxymoron? Submitted by Matt If you tickle a cow, will the milk come out its nose? Submitted by G. Camacho Why is there a "permanent press" setting on an iron? Submitted by Jerry The "C" There are 365 days in a year, yet there are 52 weeks consisting of 7 days each, which equals 364 days. Where does that extra day go? Submitted by Jean Why is it that when you have an umbrella with you, it doesn't rain, but if you don't have one, then it normally does? Submitted by Craig C. Why is there only one company making the game Monopoly? Submitted by Maria F. If I break the laws of Physics, do I go to jail? Submitted by Pat F. What would chairs look like if your knees bent the other way? Submitted by happy silly smilely Why do men have nipples? Submitted by Lisa n' David Funnie Why do they call it taking a dump instead of leaving a dump? Submitted by Xebec Why is there only one Monopolies Commission? Submitted by Anonymous Why do they say new and improved...because how can it be new if it was improved? Submitted by Veronika Maxx If someone invented instant water, what would you add? How much money, in pennies, is lying in the streets of the world? If you worked at a fire hydrant plant, where would you park? Why is it that when you see someone in a cast or brace you say "OUCH"? What happens to that other sock that you lost in the laundry ? Submitted by Big Daddy Why is it that when you're at the beach swimming and it starts to rain, everyone gets up and leaves? Submitted by Chris P.&T. Why, when a kid is running, will his mother say, "Don't come running to me if you break your leg"? Submitted by Roy Parker Why do people look up when they think? Why does a serving of frosted flakes have the same number of calories as regular flakes? Why do women wear shoes that hurt their feet? Submitted by SRidgesUT Why is it when you sit around the house you dont actually sit around the house ? Submitted by Bret S. Why do 10 pounds of groceries generate 50 pounds of garbage? Why is abbreviate such a long word? Submitted by R. Heeb Why do you park in a driveway and drive on a parkway? What do you plant to grow a seedless watermelon? Submitted by bragg2 Why are they called apartments when they are so close together? Submitted by Brian Funke Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive? Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? If a 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the morning If nothing sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan? If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen? If your vehicle is going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights? Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM? Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo? You know that little indestructible black box used on planes? Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance? Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the radio volume?
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Winner of America's Funniest Homepage - May 1997
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