1-You think the ultimate beauty treatment is using Preparation-H to prevent wrinkles.

2-You spit on your own floor.

3-You cut your toenails in front of company.

4-You think "social consciousness" means how well you can hold your liquor.

5-You car breaks down on the side of the road and you never go back to get it.

6-People come to your door mistakenly thinking you have an auto salvage business.

7-Your third grade class had a non-smokng section.

8-You have the entire WWF slurpie cup collection proudly displayed on a shelf in your trailor.

9-You refuse to slide in softball because you don't want to cruch you cigarettes.

10-You think "Ross Perot" is how your cousin Ross got out of jail early.

11-You use the shaving cream for tough beards.....and so does your husband.

12-Someone askes you "Where's your bowling bag?" and you answer "She's at home with the kids"

13-You've ever vacationed in a rest area.

14-You don't need a clean shirt to go to work.

15-Your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.

16-When describing your kids you use the phrase "dumb as a brick".

17-You've ever participated in a burp-off.

18-You send your kid in for treatment because you think he's hooked on phonics.

19-Your masseause uses lard.

20-You've ever lost your wife in a poker game.

21-You taught you children how to play "Pull my finger".

22-You wipe your feet before you walk out of your house.

23-Your church has a "happy hour".

24-You have three first names.

25-You've ever gotten carbon monoxide poisoning while driving your vehicle.