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Dumb Men Jokes
Q:Why do men have to flex their muscles around women so much?
A:Because they have nothing else to brag about.
Q:What is the best way to get a man to stop pestering you?
A:Stare at his crotch and laugh.
Q:Why do men never stop to ask for directions?
A:Because they aren't lost, they just don't know where they are.
Q:If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
A:YES!!!
Why do men think they're so superior if they have to become men while women just are?
3 ways to have fun with men:
1.tell him that this girl he likes wants a kiss
2.take out the batteries on the remote and then tell him that a Football game is on
3.wait till the first two are complete, then innocently tell him that you thought he knew better.
Submitted by Proudly Female
There were three guys on top of the cn tower, and they met a genie, the genie said I will give you one wish each, what you wish for you will jump off and land in it. the first guy wished to land in gold, so off he jumped and landed in gold, the second guy wished for lots of money he landed in money, the third guy said I wish for,,, Oh man I forget, oh crap, and with out Knowing he landed in a pile of crap.
I think my wife is selling drugs!
Yesterday I was running a little bit late for work and the phone rang.
I answered it.
Before I could say anything a male voice on the line said,
Hey honey is that DOPE gone yet?
Once there were three construction workers. When it was lunchtime one day, they
all sat down together.
The first one opened his lunchbox and said, "Eeew, turkey! I hate turkey!" So he shot himself with a rivet gun.
The second one opened his lunchbox and said, "Eeew, ham! I hate ham!" So he jumped off the building.
The third one opened his box and said, "Eeew, mac and cheese! I hate mac and cheese!" So he ran himself over with a bulldozer.
At the funeral, their three wives were talking about their lost husbands. The first two
were very sad, but the third was rather puzzled.
the first wife said, "I thought he liked turkey!"
The second one said, "I thought he liked ham!"
But the third one was still puzzled. She said, "I thought he packed his own lunch."
How can you tell if a man is happy?
Who cares!!!
Submitted by Julie Johnson
A man walks into a bar and finds a Genie in a lamp. The Genie will only grant him one
wish. The man wishes to be a million times smarter than any man on earth. *POOF* the Genie
turns him into a woman!
Submitted by Jessica J. Strong
Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
why do men have slits in their underware?
so they can get oxygen to their brains.
What did god say after he made Adam?
"I can do better than that." then he made Eve.
What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted
How can you tell if a man is sexually active?
He's breathing!
A man is trying to impress a woman by making her think he's really intelligent.
Man: I like waking early in the morning.
Woman: Are you sure you haven't missed an "n" out of that sentence?
Q: Do you know the real reason Moses wandered in the desert for 40 years?
A: Because even back then men wouldn't stop and ask for directions.
How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off of his head.
Why do women work harder than men?
Women get it done right the first time.
Three blondes run across a genie and he said that he would grant them each one wish.
The first blonde wished to be 50% smarter. POOF! She's and burnette. The second one
wished to be 25% smarter. POOF! She's a redhead. The third one wished to be 50% dumber.
POOF! She's a blonde man!
Submitted by Kristi Olsen
Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a non-lazy man (who helps out around the house), and a lazy man are about to jump off a bridge into water. Who makes the biggest splash?
The lazy man. The other 3 don't exist.
why don't men do laundry?
cause the washer and dryer don't run on remote control!
One day, God calls on Adam & says, "Adam, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that I gave you a penis and a brain. The bad news is that I only gave you enough blood to operate one organ at a time."
Why is urine yellow and sperm white?
So men can tell if they are coming or going.
How are men like parking spaces?
The good ones are always taken and all that is left are handicapped
What do you call a man with an I.Q. of 50?
Gifted
What's the difference between a man and a cow?
One brain cell that prevents them from shitting all over the place!
How are men and beer bottles alike?
They're both empty from the neck up.
Why do woman fake orgasms?
Because men fake foreplay!
Did you hear about the baby born with both sexes?
It had a penis AND a brain!
How many men does it take to make popcorn?
Four, one to hold the pot, and three to act macho and shake the stove.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
No one knows, it's never happened
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one-liners?
- So men can understand them.
What is the difference between government bonds and men?
What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?
- Put the remote control between his toes
What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?
- Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.
What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
- When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
How do men define a 50-50 relationship?
- We cook; they eat. We clean; they dirty. We iron; they wrinkle.
How do men exercise at the beach?
- By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
What does a man consider to be a seven-course meal?
- A hot dog and a six-pack.
How are men like noodles?
- They are always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
- When the crew gets lost in space, at least the women will ask for directions.
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